Fly High : "a short note"

The one thing about my childhood that I could recall at any moment is that I didn’t want to fly. Everyone always told me that one day I would spread my wings and fly away. I was barely pleased by this notion but I was anyway because it was an impossibility. Humans don’t have wings, and if they did they would have to be huge to support us. 

However, its not the case. Flying is important. Yes we all have wings. Wings that are rooted within us. Wings of being relevant, wings of being creative, Wings of being true, wings of change, wings of honesty, wings of being able to stand for your rights, loved ones, wings of being a human !!! 

The essence is pretty clear. Life as they say, is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced. Life goes on whether you choose to move on and take a chance in the unknown or you decide to stay behind, locked in the past and thinking what could have been. If the tide of life never stops then the wings of the ones who determine that life also shouldn't stop. Life is 10% what happened to us and 90% on how we react to it ! 

Its true that in the end, we will regret the chances we didnt take. There are so many paths where we can spread our wings. Like someone somewhere said, in the end its not the years in your life that counts but the life in your years that actually matters. There are so many dimensions that actually clip our wings and there are innumerable ways to actually unclip it....

The occurence of living in your past is one of them. The best way to unclip it is to make peace with your past, so that it wont screw up your present.

The second clip is the worry of what others might think. C'mmn, life is too short and human memory is even shorter.... moreover what others might think is none of our business. 

Comparing and judging is something that clips your wings. Stop comparing and judging others or their life. You have no idea what their life is all about !!!

Thinking too much is a dangerous clip. Stop thinking too much. Its perfectly all right not to know the answers. The answers would come to you when you least expect it !!!

Your happiness is your right. No one is in charge of your happiness except you. Finding joys in smaller things actually brings you the greater joy. Without being philosophical, our daily challenges and the race of earning has nothing to do with it. You can be happy and practical at the same time. 

Finally Smile, because you are not the only one who owns all the problems !!!

Whenever you find yourself doubting about how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, every battles you have won and every fear that you have overcome. 

We might not always end up where we thought we were going but will always end up where we are meant to be. 

Its true that with golden feather of hope in our heart, soon reality and sanity will merge like never before.

Its our dreams that defies the laws of Gravity... Simple thing.... if you wanna fly, you gotta gove up that shit that weighs you down !

Its better to risk the fall so as to know the feel of fly.

So, let your spirits take that flight...Freedom awaits you !!!

 

'The Myths' : Relationship Sours Part-II

How to begin......... Well.....
If you think relationships don't take hard work or that passion shouldn't fade if you're really in love, think again.
There are hundreds of myths about relationships, according to Terri Orbuch, author of "5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great" (Delacorte Press, 2009). The problem with persistent myths is that they can erode a relationship's happiness, she said.

Well, you must be wandering, I was suppose to discuss on Anger souring relationships ; but that some other day because these myths on relationships according to me seemed more relevant and something that everyone would be able to connect to !
So bare a few minutes and go through it and think.... i am sure each one of us might have experienced these myths at some point or the other in their relationships. Some might have succumb to them and ended, some might have overcome it and sailed smoothly !
So, here it is :
When you think a relationship should be a certain way, and yours isn't, frustration sets in. And "frustration is the number one thing that eats away at a relationship," Or buch said, and "it's directly tied to these myths."
That's why it's so critical to bust the below misconceptions.
So without further ado, here are five myths about relationships that might surprise you or the least make you atleast think.

1. Myth: A good relationship means that you don't have to work at it.
Fact: "The strongest most enduring relationships take lots of hard work," said Lisa Blum, Psy.D, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena and Los Angeles, who specializes in emotionally focused therapy with couples. She believes that our culture, education system and parenting styles don't prepare us for the fact that even good relationships take effort. She likened a healthy relationship to a good garden. "It's a beautiful thing but you wouldn't expect it to thrive without a whole lot of labor." But how do you know if you're working too hard on a relationship? One sign, according to Blum, is if you're feeling unhappy more than you're happy. In other words, are you spending more time tending to the relationship and keeping it afloat than enjoying it? This unhappiness becomes less of a rough patch, and more like the "normal state of affairs," she said. Another bad sign is if you're trying hard to make improvements and changes, but you don't see the same level of effort on your partner's part. "There has to be some sense of 'we're trying really hard, both making changes and that's making a difference.'" On the flip side, if both of you are trying and you can see positive changes being made at least some of the time, then that's a good sign, Blum said.

2. Myth: If partners really love each other, they know each other's needs and feelings. Fact: "It's a setup to expect your partner to be able to read your mind," Blum said — because when you anticipate that your partner will know your wants, that's essentially what you're doing. We develop this expectation as kids, she said. But "as adults, we're always responsible for communicating our feelings and needs." And once you've communicated your needs and feelings, "a better measure of the quality of your relationship" is whether your partner actually listens to your words.

3. Myth: If you're truly in love, passion will never fade.
Fact: Thanks to movies and romantic novels, we assume that if we genuinely love someone, "the passion, urging and loving" never go away. And if they do disappear, then "it must not be the right relationship" or "our relationship [must be] in trouble," Orbuch said. However, passion naturally diminishes in all relationships. Daily routines are one of the culprits, Blum said. As their responsibilities grow and roles expand, couples have less and less time and energy for each other. But this doesn't mean that the passion is gone for good. With a little planning and playfulness, you can boost passion. Blum sees many relationships where passion is alive and well. And when it comes to passion-squashing routines, Blum suggested couples ask themselves: "How do we tame our lives sufficiently that we can make time for each other and have energy left for each other?"

4. Myth: Fights ruin relationships.
Fact: In actuality, what ruins relationships is not resolving your fights, Blum said. "Fights can be really healthy, and an important form of communication and clearing the air." Also, the type of fight a couple has plays a role. Not surprisingly, nasty, scornful or condescending fights that leave couples resolution-less and not talking for days damage the relationship. Productive conflicts that help the relationship end with "some mutual decision about how to manage this disagreement."

5. Myth: In order for the relationship to be successful, the other partner must change. Fact: Many times we're very good at the blame game and not so good at pondering how we can become better partners. Instead, we demand that our partners make such and such changes. Unless, there are extreme circumstances like abuse or chronic infidelity, But even more than that, it's up to you to figure out what you can do. While this seems "simple and obvious," 100 percent of the couples Blum sees point the finger. "It's a profound mental shift to look at what can I do [and] what changes can I make." However not forget....at times change is also important !!!

Well, enough said and heard, the fact remains clear... relationships are your baby.... nurture it and do whatever it needs to grow into a healthy one. One of the two partners must understand it if not both and then everything pacifies. And the myths.... myths are myths....why ponder over them.

Finally if irrespective of numerous attempts there is a certain complexity and tension prevailing in your relationship...... then think and decide............

Emptiness : Being Myself

This is a very self oriented writeup.... at times you should write for yourself....

The best journeys are those which have no destination.

Embarking on such a journey from today.... the journey of life.... with lots of grief in context with a particular phase of life.... my question to life is ....  Are Expectations (whatsoever it may be) important ? 

Cant we proceed the journey of life without any expectations ( atleast from a particular phase). Everybody isn't destined with a complete world.
What answer do I get.... nothing.... just preparing my lemonade from the lemons life has thrown upon me.
There is nothing to write or seduce the words at this point. Its the sense of emptiness... and please; Karma has nothing to do with it... its the feel of absolute void inside you. Its about realising, refining, rediscovering not only yourself but also of your expectations.
Its like getting a reality check. Its like realizing your worth infront of one of the worthiest persons that you considered to be....

So this reality check made me fall in love with my Emptiness all over again....Finally thanking everyone who were/are a part of me in this journey called life, and without any destination and most importantly without any expectations (atleast from a particular domain), I re-start my journey again........

But yes, there will be a time when realization will creep in and they would realise the pain of being tolerated and not celebrated... (see the irony....still expectations creep in...)

Relationship Sours : "Ego"

Before I start today’s blog, let me clear that I am no relationship expert, on the contrary I am a failure in relationship maintenance. However I am experienced..... so as they say.... "mistakes increase your experience and experience decrease your mistakes"

Lets start it like :

To be able to truly love yourself and to truly be able to love someone else, you must drop the ego. This is absolutely essential to finding an amazing relationship, but it’s equally critical to maintaining and continually improving a relationship once you’re already in it.

Nothing will kill a relationship (even the best of relationships) more quickly than ego. Lets sample these : 

1.Resist The Temptation To Defend Yourself: Think about the number of times you’ve fought with a significant other, and whenever things get a little heated you start to defend yourself. All you hear is you being attacked, and you immediately go into “defending yourself” mode. Do you know that when you defend yourself in a fight, what’s really happening is your ego is defending itself.

It also means that you’ve stopped listening to the other person.  If someone tells you that they don’t like the way you’ve been acting lately, why not hear them out instead of defending yourself? It will almost always create a MUCH better outcome. 

2.To Love Yourself And Someone Else Completely You Must Separate The Ego: In order to truly love someone, you must separate your ego from yourself. This is also true if you want to be able to totally love yourself. Now, I know that in a perfect world, we would never be ego-driven. This is not a perfect world of course, so let’s get real. We are all ego-driven to some extent or another, so let’s acknowledge it and embrace that we need to separate the ego to cultivate and maintain a truly amazing relationship with someone.  

3.Your Ego Can Ruin Any Conversation: The truth is that no matter how much you prepare, plan and hope for a good conversation with your significant other, your ego is the one thing that will consistently ruin any conversation you’re about to have if you let it. 

Let’s say your significant other is frustrated with you in one way or another and really needs to express something about that to you. How do you respond? If you let your ego get involved and you defend yourself, it means that you’re not listening to them.

In order to really listen to somebody, it’s uncomfortable.  Sometimes your significant other has things that are really bothering them about which they want to talk to you, but which you would rather not hear. To maintain a great relationship, however, you can’t let your ego keep you from really listening.

This is a topic that we will go much deeper into another day.

So the next time you see your ego getting involved in your relationship, get rid of it! If you find yourself defending yourself or not allowing you to really listen, then you need to take a step back. Listen carefully to what’s really being said, and use it to create the most amazing relationship.

**(Inspired from David Wygant and personal attributes)**

Coming up..... another killer.... Anger in my next blog.... so watch out !!!!

Wings of Creativity

This was narrarated to me by one of my friends. This is a simple incident but quite interesting. I would narrate it exactly my Friend from Chennai had narrated it to me.

A year back....one of the proud school in Chennai where all felt admission is impossible!!!

To get LKG admission for my friend's daughter I ( 'I' here refers to my friend from Chennai) too went there. For that admission my friend had studied a lot than his daughter

The child could not understand why they have brought her there. Principal of the school is like "kadalora kavithai Jenifer" (one of the filmy characters). When I smiled at her, she turned & that moment my friend realized there is no benefit by my presence .

When we all were standing, the school principal started to converse with the child....yes in English only. This is one of the most memorable interview I have ever witnessed in my life..

"What's your name?"

"Sarithra"

"Good. Tell me something you know"

"I know many things. Tell me what you want"

Alas, there is no better point for not getting the admission. .Sarithra's mother was trying to make up the situation but Jenifer stopped..

Turning to child,Jenifer said.. "Tell any rhymes or story which you know"

Again,"Which one you want Rhymes or Story?"

Well done, second wicket too gone. Jenifer was little bit angry about the reply

"Ok. .tell me a story"

"You want to hear what I studied or what I wrote"

Taken to surprise, Jenifer asked "Oh you write stories???"

"Why should I not write?"

Now even I was taken aback and whispered to my friend "our whole generation is not going to get admission in this school."

But Jenefier was impressed with the answer. She & including us, would have not heard such a story in our life.

Ok, tell me story which you have written

Sarithra said "Ravanan kidnapped Sita to Srilanka"

Opening scene failed to impress Jenifer but still she encouraged the child to continue

"Rama asked Hanumanâs help to rescue Sita. Hanuman too agreed to help Rama "

"Then?"

"Now, Hanuman called his friend Spider man." No one expected this twist in the story

"Why?"

"Because there are lot of mountains between India and Srilanka..if we have Spiderman we can go easily with his rope."

"But Hanuman can fly isn't it??"

"Yes. But he is having Sanjeevi Mountain on one hand so he cannot fly very fast. "

(I remember Hanuman's picture in ABT parcel service)

Now Jenifer is quiet, after a while Sarithra asked "Should I continue or not?.".

"Ok ok then."

"Hanuman and Spiderman flew to Srilanka and rescued Sita. Sita said Thanks to both"

"Why"

"When you are helped you should say Thanks"

"Ok Ok then."

"Hanuman now called Hulk."

All were surprised.She realized our curiosity and said " Now Sita is there, so to take her safely back to Rama..he called Hulk"

"What logic???" Jenifer asked.

"Hanuman can carry Sita right?"

"Yes. But he has Sanjeevi Mountain in one hand and has to hold spider man on the other"

Jenifier could not control her smiles. " So when they all started to India they met my friend Akshay"

"How come Akshay there now?"

"Because its my story and I can bring any one there"

Now Jenifer didn't get angry but waited for the next twist

Then all started to India and landed at Chennai Velechery bus stop

Now I asked,"Why they have landed In Velechery bus stop? "

"Because they forgot the way..& Hulk got an idea and called Dora"

I came to know about Dora only there.

"Dora came and she took Sita to Velechery Venus Colony...that's all." Finished the story with a smile

Now Jenifer asked "Why venus Colony?"

"Because sita is there & am Sita!!!"

Jenifer was impressed and embraced the child.
Really, kids can really amaze. Sometimes, we clip their wings by expecting them to do things as we see it right.

Realising the Reality

I visited The Dine-In, a posh restaurant , this weekend.

No, this story  is not a restaurant review about the dry biryani or hot lassi.

It is not about the Rajasthani style painting that adorned the deep dark wooden panels or about the silly waiters dressed like nervous fresh MBA grads from an obscure college, with white shirts and uncomfortable ties.

It is about Shamsuddin.
The little boy who poured water into my glass and cleared out my table.
He walked around nervously with a heavy jug of water, wearing the same black trousers and white shirt, no tie. His eyes darted across the room like a scared rabbit, scanning the place for empty tumblers that needed a refill.  He was hardly four and a half feet tall, not a trace of facial hair. He couldn’t have been a day older than 12. He caught me staring at him and looked back, wondering whether to smile, or look away. And then, with those wide innocent eyes filled with confusion, he gave me a slow, hesitant smile.

Something tugged my heart strings and soon enough the dryness of the biryani or the callousness of the waiter who whisked away my rejected hot lassi was not the problem anymore.

There was this child here pouring water and removing used plates from tables when he should have been kicking around a football on that cold Saturday afternoon. He was trying to satisfy strangers in that dark restaurant when should have been out with his friends, laughing and teasing his school teachers. He was trying to keep that white shirt clean lest the senior waiters scold him when he should have been wondering if his mother would have Surf for his school uniform after a romp in the mud.

Dine-In was not one of those dirty roadside eateries that gave a damn about the laws of the land, it was a reputed chain of quality restaurants. And child labor was a criminal offense.

The dormant social activist in me got all fired up, and I summoned the boy and asked him how old he was. He looked at me, bewildered. “Si..sixteen”, he stammered. I am not very knowledgeable about the child labor laws, but I guess above 14 does not qualify as child labor. Well, OK. Then I asked him how long he was working there. Almost a year, he said. A rehearsed lie? Maybe, but again, legally fine.  But morally? Emotionally? I am torn.

One voice inside my head kept telling me to lodge a complaint with the authorities. Let the officials determine whether he was actually 16 and the restaurant was not breaking any laws. Let them penalize the restaurant if they were breaking the law (which I am certain they were) and give back this child, Shamsuddin, his childhood. Send him back to school.

But the other voice inside me kept telling me to let it go. Maybe this child’s income from clearing out tables is what puts two meals on the table in his own house.

And here, I was torn between a child’s childhood and his livelihood.

With the two voices inside my head still waging a never-ending debate, I left the restaurant, with a heavy heart . All I could do was leave a generous tip, and hope that at least a part would reach the child.

Childhood. It happens just once. I just hope hungry diners like me and greedy restauranteurs do not take it away

Dont Mess With Mommy 😊

This is a killer staff narrated to me by a friend of mine who resides in Bangalore....Real Identities not disclosed for obvious reasons... Lets Call the Guy Ram (a stereotype Indian Name) and the girl Radha (No offense to anyone of the same name)...
Ram's Mom came to visit him for dinner...who lives with a girl roommate Radha... During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Ram's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ram and his roommate than met the eye.....
Reading his mom' s thoughts, Ram volunteered," I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Radha and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Radha came to Ram saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney (Spicy Paste) jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you? "
"Well, I doubt it, but I 'll email her, just to be sure " So he sat down and wrote: Dear Mother, I 'm not saying that you did take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you did not take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Ram.

Several days later, Ram received an email from his Mother which read: Dear Son, I 'm not saying that you do sleep with Radha, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Radha. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now.
Love, Mum.